A while back I wrote a blog “Do I Weigh Myself Everyday”. I decided in order to keep myself sane as my baby weight gradually fell off my body, I would wait at least 6 months before jumping on the scale. I made it 4 months, weighted myself and was still up about 5 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. Not a big deal so I put the scale away for another 4 months.
Last week, I jumped on the scale and looked down with a bit of apprehension. What started back at me really surprised me. I was nearly 10lbs BELOW my pre-pregnancy weight!
This may sound like it felt awesome, but it didn’t. My pre-pregnancy weight was my high school weight and is what I think is a very healthy weight for my size. The only time I’ve hit my current weight before has been through severe calorie restriction combined with over exercising. So wtf is all that really came to mind.
I sat with this for a week, trying to wrap my head around how exactly I felt, why it mattered to me and what I should do about it.
I know that post pregnancy is a time when Hashimoto Thyroditis is easily tripped. This is an autoimmune thyroid disorder in which women can flip flop between symptoms of hypo and hyper thyroid issues. Symptoms of hyperthyroidism include hair loss, high amounts of energy (sometimes followed with a burnout) and excess weight loss. This is something that I don’t suspect is going on with me but that I am being vigilant about. I actually don’t really like to compliment girls that loose all their pregnancy weight in 6 weeks because I know that even though it probably feels amazing, there is a high possibility that they are actually experiencing early signs of a condition that they have to live with the rest of their lives.
What I do think is happening to me is that my weight is decreasing because I haven’t been doing nearly the same amount of strength training that I have done since I was 16 and I’m still nursing every 2-3 hrs day and night. (My little guy is a hungry bugger)
I’m not really worried about the weight I’m at right now, I’m more worried about the weight that I will inevitably go back up to and how my ego will respond. Having had issues around weight in the past, I do not want to fall into the trap again of being paranoid of my size. I think being aware of this will make all the difference, as will mediation and communication. Talking openly and honestly to my friends helps to create an open dialogue about my emotions giving me the support I need and a platform for me to dissect my mind with what my heart is truly telling me (hence why I’m blogging about it). I think this is really important for all of us and was reflected in Rachel’s reading last week. If we start clearing up our throat Chakra’s and speaking our truths, everything in life just flows more easily.
So now it’s time for me to just enjoy. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m eating tons of great food, exercising a bit (I am planning to increase it soon) and I’m enjoying life. This is the crazy paradox of my current weight. When I was here before, I struggled to maintain it and I was not healthy mentally. It was not a healthy weight for me at that time at all. Now, circumstances are different and my body wants to be here. I’m eating well, moving well and this is my current healthy weight.
I guess the moral of this blog post is to be truly happy in your skin. The same weight can either be healthy or unhealthy for your body. Your heart knows best if it’s where you should be.
Love and Light
Jayleen
